Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
