did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
