I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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