i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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