I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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