So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
