so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
