as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You have to summon your inner elephant
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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