the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
This is my gift to your gina
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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