Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
