Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
