She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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