oh god the rape fog is back!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
