I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
