I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
