Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
