I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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