Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
