he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
