I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
