you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
