I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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