She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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