the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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