What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
