i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
