I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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