i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
