at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
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i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
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He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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