i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
