I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
