you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
