I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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