i think i have two assholes
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
