I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Randomize
