carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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