I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
