nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
