If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
