I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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