She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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