your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
