Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
