i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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