You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
