Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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