I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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