u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
