i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
