So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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