So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
