He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
