did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
