She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
