there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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