Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
