he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
