I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
