mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
