Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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