I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
