Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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