His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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