Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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