i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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