Whod you bang
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
