I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
