there was a trapeze. enough said
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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