Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize