i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
