I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
is wine microwaveable?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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