you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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