Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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